Today’s Reason To Drink

“I make the writer of this blog do silly, silly things! That’s my only talent in life … getting people to relax and have fun. Unfortunately, I can add some weight to a waist, but who cares when you’re having fun?! I like to make the Bar Belle put beer bottles on her head. I like to make her say stupid things and laugh at her own jokes like a dickwad on Wall Street. I like to make her spend all her money on Jagerbombs and beer coozies. I like when she lap dances and high-fives everyone in a bar. And when she air guitars, ahhh, it’s almost as good as her air tuba. Her air blowjobs suck. I’ve given her lots of material for her column, and she can thank me for that tonight, when she opens me up and passes me around. Cheers!”